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Do not corner something that you know is Meaner than you! |
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Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
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Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think? What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
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Republican's Answer:
BANG!
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Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click. . . .
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"
Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!
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Roger (Sample) tells us his new 911 is doing well, "inside the garage".
Rod Arndt had a brag (for which he put $10 into the bedpan). He told us that he just returned from Viet Nam, Ho Chi Minh, and the Mekong Delta. He told us that, as of last year, two of his children are married, he now has FOUR grandchildren, and his youngest one is engaged, soon to be married!
CLICK HERE to see pictures from A Sertoma Christmas 2007
Ed Stoner bragged that he is going to the Blue Man Concert in Las Vegas. He had to make reservations Friday afternoon, so he was asking for advice.
"If you find yourself In a hole, The first thing to do Is stop diggin'"
Right about here we had a "Bar Break". Someone had thoughtfully arranged an open bar for the second week in a row, and many of us stopped to partake.
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'Dear Lord: Thank you for bringing me to Timmy's house and not to Michael Vick's -AMEN!'
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If you get to thinkin'
You're a person Of some influence,
Try orderin' Somebody else's Dog around
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Roger Sample (R) receives the SOW trophy from Bob Kopplin
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A Notice from Zach:
LOVELAND, CO - The Boys & Girls Clubs of Larimer County and McWhinney are pleased to announce the groundbreaking of the new club to be located in southwest Loveland next to New Vision Charter School. The public is invited to attend the momentous occasion as the project was made possible by donations given from throughout the Loveland community.
The groundbreaking event will take place at noon on January 3 at the new club site, 2500 E. First Street, Loveland.
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For our program, Timmy had arranged, from the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader contingent, Miss February, Miss July, Miss September, Miss November, and Miss December. Knowing Mr. Miller, we were all aroused. I mean, EXCITED at the prospect. He told us, however, that they had to cancel at the last minute. Instead, Gary Ross, Josh Benedict, Gary Cassell, and Ken Reiter were called to the front, where they sat at a long table, apparently unaware of why they were chosen at random.
As it turns out, they all had a story to tell, with some being more truthful than others, and it was OUR (the listening audience's) responsibility to figure out who was telling the truth.
A lovely spaghetti/chicken lunch, FREE BOOZE, and an opportunity to listen to some of the best LIARS I've ever heard! Whatta' Friday!
Norm Rehme told us that we are once again sponsoring a table at a Boys and Girls Club function on Wednesday, February 13th. This is a table that seats nine (seven, not counting Norm and his wife, I'd guess) Since Sertoma is picking up the tab, all YOU have to do is let Norm you're interested in attending! norm@rehme.com or 667-5971.
The Greatest Hacker Of All Time?
The question comes up from time to time, who's the greatest hacker ever? Well, there's a lot of different opinions on this. Some say Steve Wozniak of Apple II fame. Maybe Andy Hertzfeld of the Mac operating system...Richard Stallman, say others, of MIT. Yet at such times when I mention who I think the greatest hacker is, everyone agrees (provided they know of him), and there's no further argument. So, let me introduce you to him, and his greatest hack. I'll warn you right up front that it's mind numbing. By the way, everything I'm going to tell you is true and verifiable down at your local library. Don't worry; we're not heading off into a Shirley MacLaine UFO-land story. Just some classy electrical engineering...
The Man: Dr. Nikola Tesla CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!
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After 5 years of heated debate, the
Commission of Human Rights
approved the new International Symbol of Marriage.
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BEER BASH
About the "Beer Bash and fellowship happy hour", Pitcher's sports bar will be the PLACE. WHEN is every 3rd Thursday of the month. TIME is from 5-7. PRICES are excellent, I'm told. Soft drinks are available for the losers that don't drink. There is also free pool, and possibly a discount on snacks in the future. The happy hour price of beer is $2, with house micro-brews being $3.
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THESE COLORS DON'T RUN!
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Our next flag day will be
Martin Luther King Day |
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Marcel
Marceau's real name was Marcel Mangel.
